and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
