May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
