Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
