I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
