The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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