she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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