kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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