Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
