It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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