guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
