I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
