the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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