What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
