peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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