so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize