I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
