He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
