i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you win again, gameday.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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