It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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