i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
