u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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