Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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