Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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