Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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