my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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