ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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