come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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