Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
