I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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