forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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