Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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