WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
