finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
being pregnant is like rehab
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
