My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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