you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
