I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
