I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
