You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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