He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
