you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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