the condom got lost in my hair
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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