So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
