I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
