I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
