going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
