someone get that fucking seahorse.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
