i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
