i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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