I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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