I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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