don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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