Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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