she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
