Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
