literally had 100 drinks last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
