If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
