I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
