i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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