its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
