Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
