i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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