Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
