woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
