i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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