I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bang-toberfest begins!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
