ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize