So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
