If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
