what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
