mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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