I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
