Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
