We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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