im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
