What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
