Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
